Farewell, Mike Larkan

Gary Adequate
Cobber’s Morning Herald
August 17, 2020

It’s always heartwarming to see journalists get laid off.

So my heart was definitely toasted by the news that Network 10 was letting go of a handful of its on-screen “personalities” as part of cost-cutting efforts, a measure duly bigged up by the ABC as “sweeping job cuts” even though the number of jobs lost is relatively small. 

Now, I could barely name a single show on Channel 10 to be honest.  I don’t even own a TV and if you do you are gay.  I get all my news from the Cobber’s Morning Herald. What is always more interesting than the layoffs themselves in these cases is the reaction of other journalists to them.  The blue ticks fall over themselves to “show support” and express their “devastation” and “heartbreak” at the “shattering” news, in the kind of completely unhinged emotional language that is so characteristic of the feminisation of journalism. 

Me a female journalist taking a moment out of my hectic afternoon writing my latest $100 article “What Covid-19 has taught me about being a woman, and why it matters” to tweet my support to my fallen comrades

The group hugging and grooming reminds me of a bunch of monke, but not in a cool way.  In fact most of these women have probably never written an article about monke in their entire lives, unless by monke you mean Behrouz Boochani.  In any case, their camaraderie is just for show, and if push came to shove these people would happily stab each other through the eyes to secure their own employment. 

POV you are not moinke

Somebody once said something along the lines of “If you love meat and want access to free meat, become a butcher.  If you love fruit and want free access to it, become a fruiterer.  If you want free money, become a banker.”  It got me thinking: what do journalists have free access to?  The answer is attention.  That’s really what attracts them to journalism in the first place: they love attention, just as the boy who loves steak grows up to become a butcher.  This explains why every round of layoffs upsets them so much, because it implies that people are no longer paying attention to what they want people to pay attention to. 

Winner, Best Article on a Woman by a Woman, 2019 Journalism Awards

And whenever they get the chance, journalists will turn that attention on themselves.  These people are probably the most self-congratulatory, self-absorbed, self-obsessed group in our society.  Half of their working lives are spent nominating each other for awards, then reporting on the awards, then congratulating each other on winning the awards. 

Standing ovation at the Australian Asphalt Awards. Nah just kidding it’s journalists

Do you think an Australian manufacturer laying off a similar number of employees in a regional town or outer suburb would raise a similar pile of tweet from these journalists?  Not a fat chance.  They couldn’t care less about working class whites, in fact in many cases they actively despise them. 

Come here daahling *mwa mwa* I simply loved your feature piece on spending a year with an African tribe in Truganina. Better luck next year dahling *mwa mwa*

Journalism is an incestuous business.  The people who write for these organisations, whether “liberal” or “conservative”, are all basically interchangeable.  If they are ever allowed to state their political opinions in actual articles instead of just in tweets, their opinions will only differ in trivial ways, such as: We should import all of the chinks vs. We should just import most of the chinks; Kiddy trannies are awesome right now vs. We’re not quite ready for kiddy trannies just yet but they will be awesome in ten years; You should live a hedonistic consumerist lifestyle and not give a shit about the environment vs. You should live a hedonistic consumerist lifestyle and pretend to give a shit about the environment, and so on. 

Okay what’s the correct number of chinks guys? Let’s thrash it out for the editorial

In the end, their opinions must stay within the boundaries marked out for them by their masters, who are not about to give free rein to a “profession” whose tertiary entrance requirements are about on a par with nursing.  We are not dealing with super geniuses here people.  A modern journalist’s job is not to stubbornly pursue the facts and speak truth to power, but to capture the attention of the people in the service of globohomo. The more of them that get the flick, the better.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: