Black Man Invents Time Machine: It Doesn’t Work and Neither Does He Probably

Gary Adequate & Charles Bronson
Cobber’s Morning Herald
September 10, 2020

In a stunning world first, a black scientist has invented a time machine. 

Now, after a long academic career studying black holes and lasers, Mallett thinks he has found a way to bend time. “It came from solving some of Einstein’s field equations. Einstein died the same year as my father: 1955. They were the two giants of my life.”

– The Age

Oops sorry I got ahead of myself a bit there, I should have read the article first.  In my defense though, like all science articles written by journalists for other retards, it has a misleading headline, it is super long, and it is mostly just Einstein and Hawking references fluffed out with pop culture references.

It’s so cute when dumb journalists dumb things down for their readers don’t you think

Anyway it turns out this guy hasn’t invented sheeeit and the real point of the article is that he’s sciencing while black. His time machine, like Wakanda, doesn’t exist.  It’s just a theory.  Yes he has a Wikipedia page, but the “Criticism” section is the longest part of it: basically some real scientists keeping him back after class, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, and tactfully whitesplaining to him stuff like “with lasers of the type in use today the ring would have to be much larger in circumference than the observable universe” lol.

tbf he seems cooler than that other black scientist ngl

Even though it is fake, Black Time Machine is an intriguing concept, and it got us thinking here at CMH about all the incredible things black people could achieve if they could travel in time. The possibilities are endless!  So we went out into the streets to put the time machine concept to some real African Americans. Their spicy takes will move and astound you.

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