Cobber’s Morning Herald
October 1, 2020
There is some debate about whether the phenomenon of “microaggression” is real or not. Well I’m here to tell you that it is very real, and not only is it real, it’s fun as.
I’m as Aussie as can be. I’m an Aussie, I chose to be an Aussie– some wog, ABC
If you have to exist in a multicultural hellworld in which anybody make a statement like the above and you are supposed to feel “racist” for believing otherwise, you might as well make a game of it. And microaggression is absolutely one of the frontline tools at your disposal in the war on coloured people.
You can employ microaggressions to relieve the stresses and frustrations of living in a society, to aggravate the POCs in your life, and to embody and reinforce in their minds the image of Australians as ignorant and racist, i.e. BASED.
Microaggressing also has a serious purpose: to never let the interlopers forget that they are in the wrong place, to always remind them that they are not Australian, they are The Other.
Microaggressing while staying just on the safe side of 18C is a subtle art. You must yourself remain perfectly calm and reasonable. Don’t be the angry wignat, everyone hates that guy, he is cringe and he will get arrested. Be light, sincere, friendly. Be blithe. A poker face and a slightly condescending tone, as if talking to a child, is extremely satisfying and offers effective protection against persecution. Your sincerity must be both plausible and suspect at the same time, to cause maximum confusion. You want them to come away from the encounter thinking, “OMG did he just insult my people?”
Let’s start with the all-time granpa classic. If someone has an accent, ALWAYS ask them where they are from, or even better, what they are doing here. After they tell you, your next question should always be “When are you going back?” If they insist that they’re staying, smile mysteriously and say “Oh, I think you’ll go back.” If they are an Australian on paper, still ask them where they’re from, and when they answer “Melbourne” or something, just keep asking “No, where are you REALLY from?” until they admit that they’re Chinese.
You might have noticed that immigrants are always whingeing and saying critical things about “Aussies” and Australian culture and how x, y and z is better back home, despite the obvious fact that we are full. Never let these insults pass unchallenged. Always have a response. So when the snooty pajeet in your office is complaining about how he can’t get authentic Indian food in Australia, don’t say “Well maybe you should fuck off back to India then!” That would be actionable. Instead, with deep concern in your voice, say “It must be so hard for you here. Don’t you miss your homeland? Don’t you want to go back? I know I would.”
And when our skinnyfat brahmin friend is mocking our delicious Australian cuisine like roast and three veg or snags in bread for being “boring” and “bland,” resist the temptation to call him a streetshitting sisterfucker. Instead ask, in a tone of sincere curiousity, “I heard that Indian food is so spicy because chili kills fecal bacteria, is that true?” or “Do Indians really only eat with their right hand? Wouldn’t it be easier to just use toilet paper and wash afterwards?”
“Accidentally” mistaking people for another ethnicity is another timeless classic. Every ethnicity has a button you can push. For example, always pretend to mistake the Asian races for one another, because they all hate each other’s guts.
Always tell people that they look like some random celebrity just because they’re the same ethnicity.
Or ask a Hindu what he is doing for Eid. Then when he starts to explain that Hinduism isn’t Islam, just cut him off or walk away like you’re not interested, because you’re not.
ALWAYS mistake Greeks for Turks. When they start droning on about Cyprus blah blah blah, say hang on, aren’t you Australian? Why should an Australian care about all that ancient history stuff?
Any med will generally go sicko mode if you imply that he is an arab, so never miss an opportunity to do this.
Then when the med gets all aggro and starts gesticulating in that embarrassing wog way, point out to him how ironic it is that he has reacted just like an arab would. As long as you have Northern European detached cool on your side, you cannot lose!