I Wish To Claim The Prize That I Deserve

Charles Bronson
Cobber’s Morning Herald
September 30, 2020

With a decision being made tomorrow, it seems I missed the boat on winning this prize in 2020, but I now have a goal for next year!


The 28th Annual Ernies Awards for sexist remarks (yes – it has been that long, you’re not imagining it) will take place on Thursday 1 October. The 28th year of celebrating world class sexism and inappropriate speech.

Ernies founder and organiser Dr Meredith Burgmann explained the process for this year. 

“Because of Covid we can’t hold the usual Ernies Awards Dinner for 350 enthusiastic (and sometimes emotional) women, where the winners of each category are decided by the loudness of the boos which greet each remark. 

So, this year we are holding a virtual Awards night on Thursday 1 October where an ‘Ernies Council of Elders’ will choose the winners of the categories and the eventual Gold Ernie from the hundreds of nominations that have been sent in during the year from over 3,000 women.

Nigga this is the perfect award for me. I am a world class sexist and inappropriate speaker. Next year, I will require all cobber’s to nominate me for this epic achievement. All we need is about 4000 of you cunts to vote and my ultimate victory will be guaranteed. Thanks in advance ya filthy animals.

I should add that this cunt dishwasher, Meredith Burgmann, needs a good (and on the advice of my lawyers, metaphorical) smack in the chops if you ask me. I wonder what she is a Dr of… I bet (metaphorical bet, as per the advice of my portfolio manager) that she is a Dr of washing dishes. haha.

Anyway, this spawn of satan’s cock has made a career out of being a bitter old bitch for the last 28 years. It was in 1993 that she started this award, where she encourages women to attack men who have even the slightest hint of knackers. Coincidentally, she did this not long after divorcing her husband in 1990.

Probably not a coincidence actually, now that I think about it.

Some of the front runners for 2020 are old favourites Mark Latham, Jeff Kennett and Craig Kelly, joined by newcomers Adem Somyurek and Israel Folau.


I am a much better sexist than these guys.

I will claim my award. I will be recognised as the premiere woman decker in Australia.


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