Cobber’s Morning Herald
August 6, 2020
What will he defeat next!?
An indigenous rights activist who succeeded in having the Coon cheese brand scrapped wants Pauls to consider renaming its ‘Smarter White’ milk.
In July, Dr Stephen Hagan convinced Canadian dairy giant Saputo to axe an 85-year-old moniker, named after American cheese ripening pioneer Edward William Coon, because of its racist connotations.
The former diplomat and academic, who now works as a social justice consultant, has suggested Pauls’s French parent company Lactalis consider replacing the ‘Smarter White’ label, which has been used to sell low-fat milk since 2002.
Ahh, a former diplomat and academic turned social justice consultant. This man is a truly elite mind. I am loving his new angle of social justice and I am glad someone is finally working towards product rights. A consumer product should not be characterised solely by its creator, or stereotyped merely because of it’s colour.
Consumer products are individuals, and they may even be trans! Who can know for sure.
‘Aboriginal people are saying that there’s an inference that it’s for smart, white people, not for smart, black people,’ Dr Hagan told Daily Mail Australia.
‘There’s a lot of Aboriginal people who take offence, who don’t drink that milk because of the interference that it’s ‘smarter white’.’
Oh, it seems I misinterpreted his objective. No matter! He is still correct. If I was black, I would not drink a type of milk called, ‘smarter white,’ either. It would make me feel like I am not as smart.
In fact, I have recently been considering abandoning my regular coffee order, a long black. It is not because I dislike the taste of my regular order – it is purely because when I drink it, I feel a deep sense of inferiority regarding my height in comparison to my favourite african american basketball players. Drinking coffee and comparing my height to african american basketball players are activities that I often do concurrently by the way.
Dr Hagan said ‘these enlightened times’ of the Black Lives Matter movement meant a name change was ‘worthy of consideration’.
I could not agree more. Now that the times are enlightened, we should just start pointlessly lobbying for companies to change names of their products. This would not only be funny, but it would also be very hilarious as well.
The beauty of it is that you don’t even have to suggest a new name. You just say you don’t like the old one and then the company has to fumble around looking for a new one hahahah.
I think perhaps we should start with this Vevelle Luxury Soft Extra Thick White toilet paper. This product only really caters to a very specific market of thicc white people. Skinny women of colour also need to use toilet paper. Or maybe they don’t? I don’t really know if that’s common these days. Either way, I want them to change the name of this product.
The soy milk drinker said lots of Aboriginal people had raised the matter with him.
“The soy milk drinker,” hahahahahah. Imagine that being your title. What a shame.